Good morning. It’s 1:07 PM. Making a little coffee.
Day four. Saturday. Got here Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday — fourth full day. I’m not recording on the big mic, this is the walk-around mic. That’s just how I’m rolling right now.
And yeah — I feel like maybe I’m turning a corner.
Yesterday was a trip. Last night I got in bed at midnight and got out at 11 AM. I had somewhere to be at 11:45, which was a half-hour walk, so I had to get up, brush my teeth, and get out. Eleven hours in bed. Woke up a couple times for less than an hour each. I felt like a teenager. Didn’t quite know what to think about it, to be honest.
Since I’ve been up, I went for a walk — a little over a mile each way. Got some physical exercise in. And here on day four, for the record: I think I’m turning the corner. What that feels like is a desire to be productive. To get things done. And I know that sounds corporate — productivity-minded, blah blah blah. But no. As someone who creates things, that takes work. That’s the work I’m talking about. Not industriousness, but really the desire to sit down and start getting my tools in order. Moving projects along. Creative projects.
Yesterday I kind of lazed around the flat — very low energy — but then I went to my friend Julia’s apartment for Thanksgiving dinner. Met a whole bunch of people. It was nice. And then my friend Noemi came, the only person I knew from 20 years ago. The food was amazing. I cut myself twice — carving the turkey, and then cleaning a knife. Kept it very quiet. Didn’t want to draw attention to myself. But I had to withdraw while carving the turkey, lest I bleed into the bird. Luckily I’d already served everybody — I was just finishing carving my own portion when I sliced my knuckle.
It was nice, though. A lot of small conversations. Some people I might meet again, some I might not. That’s okay.
Then Julia’s boyfriend came home. His name is Martin, he’s Czech — a really sweet guy, great energy. We sat and chatted about his work, which falls in the realm of therapy, but where Western therapy meets Eastern thought. How breathwork can be used to unlock pain and trauma that’s trapped in the body. Pretty interesting field. It would have seemed like hippie shit a while ago, but a lot of people in traditional psychology and therapy are saying, yeah, there’s something to this. And he’s just a very kind and gentle dude.
Then I rode home with Noemi. She was leaving, I was ready to go. She offered to drop me off. We drove up here and parked in front of the building and had an interesting conversation for about half an hour about her relationship woes. And then we got into what it’s like being single in middle age. Talked about the apps. Maybe the inherent loneliness that comes with not really having your tribe — not necessarily close friends, but a different type of interaction with friends. More socially dynamic. Or creatively dynamic. People you get together with and something springs from that — a sense of purpose, a sense of communal purpose. That’s so important.
A lot of people have that built into their day-to-day because of the communities they’re part of. People get it from church, from clubs, from hobbies. People passionate about golf — their golf buddies might not be their diehard best friends, but you can call up Cliff and Loretta on a Saturday, go play nine holes, and it gives you something you need.
Noemi and I are kind of similar in that we’re both creatives and somehow don’t invest enough in that type of community. I talked to her about how one of the things I wanted was to shake things up. I have great friends in Los Angeles and a great community there, but I wasn’t participating with either as much as I felt I should. And the idea of coming here was as much about breaking all the molds — and maybe, counterintuitively, in ways that would allow me to be more active with some of those people in Los Angeles through creative projects.
It was a funny conversation too, talking about the apps. I talked about how inept I am with them. Done a little bit of app exploration since I got here, just to meet people and feel things out. And I just suck at it. A little connection, okay, now you chat in the app — and I don’t know what to say. I don’t know you. I don’t even know how to be curious about you. I’ve got a handful of conversations that just go nowhere. It’s funny. But I don’t care. I’ve never really nurtured much from the digital connection space.
I did come away from the conversation with Noemi feeling a little blue. There was a tinge of defeatedness. You get that talking to people in their fifties — or forties, whatever — just this sense of: things are different and they’re not all better. I think there’s a phase everybody goes through. A reckoning. You talk to people in their seventies and eighties and they’re like, these are the best years of my life. But I wonder if all those people went through a time when they had to reckon with the fact that they’re not young anymore. The hallmarks of youth, aside from maybe your spirit and your heart, are fading. There’s no getting around that. It’s not a bad thing, but until you learn how to reckon with it, it can feel like one.
Then I slept for 11 hours, woke up this morning, and went to look at another flat — because of the dog. When I left for the walk down there, he or she was out, just barking away. I could still hear it from a distance. They’ve got three dogs over there. That’s why it’s so noisy.
I went down and looked at the other flat. Really liked it. I might move. We’ll see. On the way back I stopped in a little bakery, got some baked goods, came home, made coffee, and it just started to feel like — okay. Turning the corner. Back to feeling like myself. That’s when I picked up the mic.
So that’s what’s up. It’s 1:19 PM. Going to drink coffee, do a little creative work, probably watch F1 qualifying in a couple hours, and take the day as it comes.
Talk to you soon. All my love.
